The Summer Ending.

It was no secret. Yes, I went to Samal. Yes, I went to see him. Even if I was really seething at him, I still went to see him. It's very difficult to understand what I want sometimes. But at that time, He was all I wanted, more than anything in the world. 

We talked. Apparently, I came to understand that we were going nowhere. I don't really understand the kind of connection that we have, but it felt so real. The longer we talked though, the more I felt that my presence was no longer needed. I would have really wanted to stay. But, he seemed perfectly fine with himself that I sensed that I was never needed in the first place. That was when I decided to leave. Fighting back tears, I stared at his sleeping form, trying to will myself to just let the feelings go. However, I couldn't. It was so hard. We had been so happy. I wondered what went wrong. Everything went wrong, inevitably. So I left. 

He texted me - told me he missed me. My pride kept me from going back. I sat on a steel bench at the port and cried til I realized that people are already staring. I wanted to go back. But he didn't choose me. He wanted his freedom. I wasn't wanted at all. That's why I left. 

It's been six days now. Apparently, my absence wasn't felt. He seemed okay with his online games and free time. I think I'm pushing him a bit too much. So it's probably time to stop this insanity. 

Now comes the hard part. How do I leave it all behind? Where should I start? What do I do now? How should I forget? 

I will try. That's the only thing that I can do. But, as I try to finish this ridiculously insane article, he crosses my mind again. Now all I can think of is his beautiful smile the last time I kissed him goodbye and how much it ached because he never tried. I shut my eyes and heaved a sigh. I wouldn't cry. I'm actually happy for him. He finally knew what he wanted. It just wasn't me.